Must Love Dogs?

Apparently, there is some fineprint in the "Marriage Contract" that I have regrettfully missed. Not only must I accept my in-laws in "as is" condition, but I must also accept their dogs into my family. If I had only known...



Dogs are fabulous. I love dogs. I have three. They hang out, eat food, hang out, and generally worship every member of my family to a cultish degree. I love my dogs. They rock. And, I don't have a problem letting friend's and family's dogs into my home. My only condition. They are good citizens. They musn't use my house as an indoor toilet. They must not maul any family member -- human or canine. There will be no hanging about on the furniture. They must not walk upon my counters chewing anything they can get their mouths on. I don't think I am asking much.



Let's start with Biner (rest his poor neurotic soul). Biner was my in-law's dog before Lacey (the Anti-Christ of Canines). Now Biner was actually a pretty stand-up fellow. With the exception of being a borderline institutionalized neurotic. And I feel bad because all his numerous mental issues stem from my in-laws treating him like a person. For instance, upon moving into our first home, my father-in-law walks in and up on the couch jumps Biner. I shoo him off and my father-in-law quips, "Where is Biner going to sit?" To which I reply, "On the floor." I am met with derision and horror.



Then there was the time I had to dog sit while my husband went with his parents to Florida. I went out to dinner and gated the dogs downstairs as usual. I came home to a mess that looked like a scene straight out Aliens. Biner had not only chewed through our baby gate leaving smears of blood all over, but had ripped the carpet from the top of the stairs down three steps and chewed all the wood. "I will not kill the dog because he is not mine. I will not kill the dog because he is not mine." I repeated this over and over as I speed dialed my husband in Florida.



The best part? His parents got mad at me! Ugh. And, no, my in-laws never paid for the damage. (Or offered.)